Birthday Clowns

Birthday Clowns

I look at birthday parties not just as an opportunity to have fun with my son and his friends, but also to help my boy overcome his silly childhood fears. See, if there’s one thing in the world my son hates, it’s clowns. But if there’s one thing he truly loves in the world, it’s anonymous cock. Slutty, I know, but it’s true. So I thought, maybe I could help him get over his fear of silly clowns by making sure the clowns’ acts were right up his alley. So here’s what I ordered for the big day. You can see their promo photos from top to bottom:

1. The Boy Juggling Triplets: This team of identical triplets has honed their juggling skills, so the boys will sure to be wowed. It’s rumored that those batons of theirs aren’t just for juggling, either. Three lucky little boys will get pulled up on stage and have those juggling tools inserted into their little pink pussies. Two boys will get the nice brothers—- Boingo an Zoingo— who think it’s best to insert the small end in first. One little boy will get to meet Django, the third brother, who feels that little boys should be impaled thick end first. But don’t worry, I made sure Django knows who the birthday boy is.

2. Next, we have the ballroom, where little boys go when they’ve had a little too much fun. Unfortunately, my son clogged up the toilet yesterday playing with his little toy boats, so the tub is not only going to function as a ball room, but also as a urinal. To be honest, I don’t think the other dads I’m inviting will care whether there’s a boy in the ball room or not, since it’s open bar for all over 21.

3. That’s my cock. My son won’t see what I’ve done till the end of the party, though. Time to meet Fucko the Clown!

4. What would a boy’s birthday party be without some real terror? I’m not sure who these two guys are. They got out of prison a few weeks ago and responded to my craigslist ad advertising the party. I told them they could come and hang out in the basement. They promised to only nab a few boys at a time, so no one would notice. And you know what they say: “What happens in the basement, stays in the basement (and is broadcast on the internet).”

5. These guys are actually here to monitor the boys’ behaviors. They’ll be walking around looking for little boys who are crying. The happy one there, well he has a special toy that helps “soothe” (or stuff the mouths of) little boys who are crying. The sad one there has a tool that can help calm down boys who are feeling a bit too giddy.